Trigger warning

Once again struggling with urges to self harm 😐 I’m not even sure what’s brought this on to be honest, but I’ve found myself sat here staring at a blade. A part of me is just urging me to cut, I know I shouldn’t but I just need to 😐 I thought it’s meant to get easier as time goes on, not harder?! 88 hard days to get where I am now….but will I make it to 89? I’m really not sure. 100 days seems so far away and out of reach right now, considering every day seems to be a battle. The thing that scares me is that I feel like I will give in at some point, sooner or later….so why waste the time and not just give in now? Now the right way to think I know….but argh I can’t help it! I feel like such an addict 😦 I can’t even remember what I was thinking of or how these thoughts entered my head. Trying to chat to one of my best mates to keep myself distracted….any distractions will be very welcome….

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20 thoughts on “Trigger warning

  1. the fact that you know you are struggling and have not succumbed yet means you have the strength to push off the urge. keep yourself distracted. write, go for a walk……..

    if you have succumbed, then tomorrow is another day – things happen – bumps in the road, a twist here and turn here – it happens. you – we are human…….. hugs….

  2. Can you do something else that’s a strong sensation? Like hold an ice cube in your hand; stand under a very hard and hot shower; put rubber band on wrist, pull out and let go; listen to very loud music. These can all be distracting. Hope this helps.

  3. Sometimes it is 10 minutes at a time. If I am really bad I have drawn out what I want to do and have taken it with me to therapy. You are strong and can do this. You have done it for 88 days. That is a huge accomplishment!

  4. I’ so sorry you suffer in this way. I too battle with depression from time to time, though not as severe. When I read this it made my heart ache, so I thought I’d share what helps me.

    I read articles about depression and/or chronic illness on http://www.jw.org If you’re interested, go to the site, click on publications at the top of the page, choose online library (menu left), then type depression in search. Lots of articles will come up.

    If you check out the site, let me know if it helps.

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